no matter how hard this gets.

Dear you,

I can’t seem to escape the overhead speakers that play loudly the all too familiar Christmas songs that sing loud and proud of “the most wonderful time of the year”, which means that you too have been bombarded with these melodies. I get it. I really do. This time of year, for many, isn’t the most wonderful time.

I am sorry.

This is the holiday season. It is here and Christmas is next week. This is supposed to be the time for “holly jolly” and “joy to the world” and “peace on earth”. So why is it that most of us feel all of everything except for that overwhelming peace and joy? Somewhere along the line everything shattered. I am sure that at some point we beheld the magic of the season. I am certain that we once had the twinkle of wonder in our eyes. But it is gone now, and I am so sorry.

These days we are forced to sit across the table from brokenness. As we drive down streets that are covered in lights and nativities and jolly Ol’ Saint Nick, we are reminded. As we walk through crowded hallways where families walk hand in hand, we are reminded. We can’t even buy groceries without being reminded of the something missing. And I am so sorry.

For some of us, the depression that seems to hold us in a chokehold for most of the year only tightens its grip during this last month. I hear you and I see you and I am with you. And I am so sorry.

I don’t have answers. I don’t have words that could possibly make any of this less shitty than it is. But I can and will say that I am with you. I will hold your hand until January rolls around and I will hold your hand long after then as well.

I see you.
I hear you.
I am with you.
I am for you.
And I am not going anywhere.

No matter how hard this gets.



3 thoughts on “no matter how hard this gets.

  1. ‘No matter how hard this gets.” These words alone speak everything to someone sliding down. Your hand holding ever-so-tightly to another. Life is there in the grasp…

    Love you.

  2. You have me in tears this morning. I have always loved Christmas so much, but the last several years, things just seem to get harder and harder and I am struggling this year most of all. Thanks for writing this. Somehow, even with everything going wrong, knowing you’re not alone makes it a little better.

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