walking into the room you feel it
it settles in your bones
and you cant shake the sticky weight of it
this isn’t what is comfortable
your normal has disappeared
what you knew is gone and you have no idea what is coming
the what now. the in between. the aftermath.
this is the “what now”.
the answers you were always sure would solve this problem
fall on your own deaf ears
you try, you fail, you try, you fail,
you flounder about
sure that you’ll never get it right again.
this is the aftermath. they say the hard part is done
but you know that you are living the hard part.
this is the hardest fucking part of any of it –
except for the maybe deciding to do it in the first place
but now, you are in the thick of it
you could turn back, absolutely you could,
but that would have far worse consequences.
put your head down. keep walking.
surely, it cant be like this forever.
but for this moment, you are trapped in the “what now”
which way to move is unclear
and the ground is unsteady under your trembling feet.
don’t run, please don’t run.
we need you here in the “what now”
this is the important part. this is where people see.
the cheering erupts, the crowd goes wild
this is the factory that turns out the survivors,
the ones who have been battered and bruised but still fight,
the “we’ve made it this far and we can’t afford to go back”