the what now



walking into the room you feel it

it settles in your bones

and you cant shake the sticky weight of it

this isn’t what is comfortable

your normal has disappeared

what you knew is gone and you have no idea what is coming

the what now. the in between. the aftermath.

this is the “what now”.


the answers you were always sure would solve this problem

fall on your own deaf ears

you try, you fail, you try, you fail,

you flounder about

sure that you’ll never get it right again.


this is the aftermath. they say the hard part is done

but you know that you are living the hard part.

right now.

this is the hardest fucking part of any of it –

except for the maybe deciding to do it in the first place


but now, you are in the thick of it

you could turn back, absolutely you could,

but that would have far worse consequences.

put your head down. keep walking.

surely, it cant be like this forever.

right? right.


but for this moment, you are trapped in the “what now”

which way to move is unclear

and the ground is unsteady under your trembling feet.

don’t run, please don’t run.

we need you here in the “what now”

this is the important part. this is where people see.

the cheering erupts, the crowd goes wild

this is the factory that turns out the survivors,

the ones who have been battered and bruised but still fight,

the “we’ve made it this far and we can’t afford to go back”




3 thoughts on “the what now

  1. “and you cant shake the sticky weight of it” – your poetry gives me chills, girl. The sticky weight. That is perfect.

    “surely, it can’t be like this forever” – I’m trusting that the sun will rise. I’m hoping it with you.

  2. This is beautiful, Alison. Words from pain, but beautiful words. “You’ve made it this far.” Indeed you have. Thank you for introducing yourself. I’m so glad to have found your blog.

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