Thoughts have been few and far between lately. I am writing this post sitting in the lobby of one of the largest churches in DFW. I am working a book signing tonight for a fairly well known evangelical “speaker” and Shane & Shane just walked by. This is my life tonight. My stomach is growling and I am hungry. The girl I am working this event with just ran to get us something to eat. Man. I hope it’s something good and I hope a sweet tea is involved.
I have been writing bits and pieces of one of the hardest and most chaotic and confusing events of my life and, y’all, it is exhausting. I mean, I literally am physically exhausted. I don’t know if there ever comes a point where hard things stop taking such a toll on your body or if you ever reach a limit that your body can take, but I don’t think so. I am pretty sure our bodies can and do take much more of a beating than we give them credit for.
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Last night I came home after dark, like I do every night I close at work. I came home after dark and as I rounded the street and saw my house, I could see that the light in my room was on. It is not surprising. The couple I live with turn it on each night I work late so that I don’t have to walk in to a dark house. They see me. And they care. And some nights, like last night, that was hard for me to sit in.
Every night before I go to bed, and usually every day before I go to work I say bye and the response I get is almost always the same “shalom! blessings!” And it is not a trite or cliche response. It is a genuine desire of their hearts that I would have a good day. That I would see Jesus for who he is. That I would not find my satisfaction or joy in what I do, but in what the Lord has done for me. They genuinely pray peace over my life and over my day and over my sleep. They see. And they care. And some days thats hard.
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So. this isn’t profound or deep or thought provoking. Just the ramblings I have today. I am exhausted. But it tends to come in waves. I need to keep working on and writing what needs to be written. But today I am tired. So I will rest. I will be gracious to myself. And I will slow down and breathe and laugh and drink my sweet tea and dream about vacations and send silly text messages. Today I will be gentle with myself and enjoy this moment, right now. Shalom.