remember the why

I always wanted to join this adventure. But I never wanted to do it. Something quietly screaming in my head kept telling me to do it. That, and Elora wouldn’t let up on Facebook and Twitter. I have wanted to write for as long as I can remember. Well, there was kindergarten. I wanted to be an dinosaur and then an astronaut. Some well meaning adult told me “you cal be ANYTHING you want to be.” Well, I guess that sounds good. But they didn’t take into account that dinosaurs are extinct and I can’t stand roller-coasters. So flying out of the atmosphere was probably not in the cards for me. And it’s probably a good thing too, because NASA has recently cancelled the space program. After that, it was writing. I have always loved books. Sitting in the floor of my closet with a flashlight, I would get lost in the story. I would make friends of all sorts and mourn their death as the book ended. I wanted a story like that. I never really wanted to write those stories. I wanted to live them.

And then life happened…as it always does.

My temptation right now, in this moment, is to hide. Stop writing and move along. Life happens. Things get messy. And you realize this is NOT the stuff of fairy tales. There isn’t always a happy ending. Things aren’t always tied up with a little bow. Looking back on my short 25, almost 26, years I can see that it has been a story. An adventure. I have taken quite a few more hits, bandaged more wounds, and pulled more splinters out of my feet than I can remember any of my favorite characters. All of this isn’t tied up pretty yet. It’s not over. But it’s still a story. It still needs to be written.

I want to make a difference. I want my 50 or so years to mean something. Somehow, I hope that my story will be a light to those who sit in darkness, a small glimer of hope to those who have long since written off the idea of the dawn. I hope those who feel that grace cannot reach them can be encouraged by my story – that there is always enough grace. Grace to enjoy the day, or grace to be sustained through it. But there is always enough. Always sufficient. He is enough. I desire that making much of Him will be my dream fulfilled.


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