that word has seemed to plague me this week. and i hate that.
actually, i have mixed emotions about it. i know why its here and i also know that for my good i cannot allow it to stay. i am praying for a breath of air. a long, deep, life-giving breath. and at this moment, i am willing to fight for it.
every week for the past 7 months i have been staring my sin straight in the face 3 days a week. its been a hardcore staring contest that i have not won. each week i regurgitate my sins and struggles in 3 different arenas, and honestly, thats a lot. no wonder i am exhausted. i am sitting in my junk far too often. now, don’t hear me say that its not important to recognize and be aware of sin in our lives, i most assuredly think its of utmost importance. i just don’t think thats where we need to stay.
in the gospel of John, a story is told of a woman caught in the middle of her sin. adultery. she, void of clothes, is then drug out into the open streets where people begin to mock and criticize. people stop and stare. her sin is no more a secret. there is no chance of hiding now. and she knows it. so she stays in the dirt. men around her are picking up stones while quoting passages out of the Law of Moses. “this is what the law says, what do you say, Jesus?” she is surprised when she sees Jesus kneel down beside her and start to write in the dirt. i think its important to realize that Jesus didn’t rush to pick this woman up the moment she landed in the dirt. there is a time to be almost painfully aware of our sin. naked and bare before all. but, it is of much greater importance to then here Jesus speak into our brokenness “neither do I condemn you. go, and sin no more.” its then, at that moment when we realize there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, that we are able and even called to get up, out of our sin and shame and guilt and every other emotion that rushes over us in that moment, and move forward in pursuit of the Lord.
so thats where i am right now. i am going to get up. and i am going to leave my shame and guilt there in the dirt. Jesus has called me to rise and to go and walk in forgiveness. so, with His help, i will begin to walk that direction. i am looking in his face. pleading that the distractions will disappear in the light of His worth and glory.
praying that He would become my treasure.