something thats been swirling around in my head a lot lately.
“what if we began to see confession and repentance not so much as a threat but as the greatest offer of all time?”
i am entering a season of confession and repentance in hopes of knowing the Lord more deeply, trusting Him more fully, walking in joy and peace more consistently, and looking more like Him in the end. historically i have been afraid of confession and repentance because i have always looked at it as though i was losing something. part of me even. yes, all the things i was and am walking in are not good for me, or for my good, but they have become comfortable and familiar. so instead of walking into this season fearful of all the things the Lord will strip from me and take away, i have decided to walk into this with the vision of all that the Lord may be pleased to give me. life. depth. joy. peace. faith. trust. hope. wisdom. freedom. healing. and in the end He may just be pleased to give me more of Himself. and that in itself is worth the loss of all.
a friend of mine sent me this verse recently and i have been pondering it. take a look:
“Search me, O God, and know my heart!
Try me and know my thoughts!
And see if there be any grievous way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting!”
if you are unfamiliar with this particular chapter, let me give you a little insight. the chapter begins with “O Lord, you have searched me and known me” and continues describing how the Lord knows when we sit and lie down. when we wake up and when we go to sleep. it rightly states that we cannot go anywhere where the Spirit of the Lord is not with us. when we are afraid that things look dark around us, this chapter reminds us that “even the darkness is not dark” to Him. the psalmist then proclaims that the Lord is the one who knit us together when we were being formed in our mothers womb. he saw our frame and intricately wove us together in the depths of the earth. before we ever breathed our first breath the Lord know every one of our days and had even written them down. (p.s. how crazy is that!) and then, after all this about how the Lord knows all, created all, and is in all, the psalmists begs the Lord to search him and show him where he falls short – where he fails attain what God has called him to. after all, the Lord has called us to “be holy, for He is holy”(leviticus 11:44). the psalmist knew this. he would have been quite familiar with the old testament and because he was, he knew that he had missed the mark.
so, back to the verse at hand. the writer of this couldn’t possibly sit there and proclaim the depths of the wisdom of God and then turn around and ask God to search Him and find out things He didn’t know. its not as though i can ask the Lord to search me, and then He does and He all of a sudden sees my sin and iniquities. He knew they were there from the beginning. i mean, doesn’t it say “before a word is on my tongue you know it altogether”(psalm 139:4) HE KNOWS ALL! HE CREATED ALL! HE IS IN ALL! He knows we are broken. He knows the wickedness of our hearts. so that’s why part of me, the majority of me, has started to see this verse differently. i believe that this verse is more of us lining ourselves up with the way things are. aligning our hearts with Gods heart. confessing that we are broken. confessing that we have failed to measure up. confessing that we have missed the mark. begging Him to reveal the brokenness that we don’t even know is there. pleading with Him to show us the places our hearts have deceived us. we aren’t asking Him to search us so that He can know whats going on. we ask Him to search us so that we can know whats going on. so that we can see things that need to be confessed of. so that we can repent and be led “in the way everlasting”(psalm129:24)
maybe confession and repentance isn’t a threat after all. maybe its an offer to line ourselves up with the One who alone is wise – to line ourselves up with the One who knit us together in the depths of our mothers womb. its the offer to be led in the way everlasting…so that we may be made holy even as He is holy.
what an offer…